Why do we say things we don't mean?

'Once the storm ended, I realized that by letting go of all attachments, including my attachment to self, people no longer had any power over me. They could take my life, if they felt the need, but I was no longer going to live my life out of fear, the way too many people do, jolted by our disconnected society. I couldn't have realized any of this without having been broken emotionally and spiritually and mentally and physically. I had to be pummeled by humankind, I had to be pummeled by mother nature, I had to be broken until I saw no hope, until I went crazy, until I finally let go. Only then could I be rebuilt, only then could I be filled back up with who I am meant to be. Only then could I become my higher self. That's the message of the butterfly, I had come through darkness and storms, and had been transformed. I was living proof of the power of metamorphosis.' -Julia Butterfly Hill

I always do this. And I swear no matter how many times I make this same mistake, I never seem to be able to learn my lesson. I always say things to people to purposely hurt them even if I know it isn't true.

The main victim of my words are often my brother and my closest friends. For instance, today is the last day that my brother will be 21, and as I reminded him of this, he said 'Don't say that! It will put pressure for what I do today.' and I so eloquently replied, 'Just do nothing, like you do everyday!'

And all of a sudden, he gets all angry and storms out of the room, I try to do some damage control by saying 'I didn't mean it' but nothing mends the wound I have inflicted. Why do I say these things that I don't mean? I knew that by saying that, it would hurt him and make him angry, I don't realize the power that my words have over him and sometimes I always try to make a joke.

To be able to understand, you'll probably have to understand the whole context that I'm probably not at liberty to share, pretty much my brother dropped out of university and doesn't have a job and lives at home. According to most people in society, he is doing absolutely nothing with his life. But as I have hung out with him over the past few weeks, I have started to understand what he is doing with his life. He's gaining knowledge and experience through just being. He goes downtown and talks to anyone, most notably homeless people who talk to him about what life is really all about. He draws whenever he feels inspired, he's been learning to play the piano and plays the guitar all the time.

BUT back to my hurtful comment, he comes into play because maybe I've been feeling lately that he IS doing nothing with his life and I want to try and inspire him to do something constructive, I don't think he's the type that would 'prove me wrong' and 'rise to the challenge', I think he needs more constructive comments, which is why I've just been overly nice to him all the time. I wish I could be more honest, but it seems like I have to keep my negative comments or jokes to myself because he'll get offended and like I'm personally attacking him.

Wow, that feels really good to write out, I love the sorta catharsis of a blog without any violent action.

Back to my life lesson, why do we say things that we don't mean? I wish I knew why I say all these things and I wish I could be totally truthful with everything that I say, but it seems like sometimes the 'bad' me comes out of the cage. Sometimes I think it's not me at all, but rather what I have been taught in this society to say.

That's what I love about Julia's quotation, it shows that we are not who are meant to be, we are not the words that we say, because it's what we have been taught by living in this society. We have to climb mountains, literally, in order to become who we are truly meant to be.

Who knows!? Maybe that's what society wanted me to write lol!

How I got involved in volunteering at Gull Bay

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to quickly write down how I got involved in volunteering on a first nation reserve. The idea to volunteer at a first nation reserve was something that I had always thought about doing ever since my first trip to Kenya. I only started to seriously want to volunteer at a First Nation reserve when my friend Emily Dunbar came back from Katimavik, where she stayed in Iqaluit, and told me that it was the best experience of her life. After hearing that, I seriously wanted to go. I couldn't find any organizations that did trips up to Canadians reserves, other than global citizens but I didn't want to go for only a week, SO I started to look outside the box. I started to ask everyone I knew about if they had contacts in First Nation reserves, I got a few potentials here and there but nothing really serious.

I then finally asked my Member of Parliament, Bruce Hyer, if I could volunteer at a reserve in his riding area. He just said flat out 'YES' and I was so excited. He then got me in contact with Chief Wilfred King who so graciously accepted my offer to volunteer up at his reserve. The final plans were finalized about a week before I was scheduled to leave, so it was very rushed yet incredibly exciting time.

I think I'll write a full length blog about my experiences up at Gull Bay sometime soon but until then, have a great day guys and remember if you want something, just start asking people for it and eventually someone will say Yes.

Life on the Reserve

Life on the Reserve is a documentary about what life on a Canadian First Nation reserve is really like.

Director’s Bio: Why I made the Film

I was inspired to volunteer on a Canadian First Nation Reserve because I have volunteered abroad on several trips to developing countries and as much as I loved the experience, I felt that I could be doing the same thing in my home country. I felt that volunteering here in Canada is more important because we need to help those in our own backyard before we can go help others.

All that I knew about first nation people were that they were the first people on this land and that after being exploited by the European settlers, they faced numerous problems. As a city-kid, all I knew about their problems were what I saw on the TV, which was often very negative. I heard about the drugs, the highway blockades, the tax breaks and what I got from the media was First Nations were a lazy, negative, accusatory group.

I think one of the lessons I learned very early was that the media often doesn’t go deep enough in reporting why the problems are there, they decide to pick and choose who they interview and they often pick the people on the extreme ends of the scale. I remember thinking that Kenya was going to be a place filled with people who were pessimistic about their future because they had no material possessions. I could not have been more wrong, they were incredibly optimistic, had a great sense of community and were the most generous people I’ve ever met.

So on I went to Gull Bay First Nation Reserve, two hours north of Thunder Bay and just like every other trip, I was surprised and amazed by the generosity of the strangers that I met there. There were so many people on the reserve who were working diligently to make their community a better place. Those are the people that the mass population never hears about, but are the true heroes of the community.

Description:

Life on the Reserve is a documentary that follows a few members of the Kiashke Zaaging Anishinaabek (Gull Bay First Nation) community as they take us through what their daily life consists of.

Life on the reserve was different from what I was expecting, although certain stereotypes were somewhat accurate, if any outsider had taken the chance to get to know the people living in this community, they would know that they are hard-working, humorous, down to earth people. This community also has quite a bit of development happening, they have a new band office, they have a brand new health centre and they are currently building a hockey rink arena for the kids to play hockey in the winter.

Life on Gull Bay Reserve is difficult compared to living in a big city. They don’t have clean drinking water, so they have to get bottled water shipped to the community. The school is not big enough to have adequate space for the students and they don’t have a gymnasium. And despite being a small community of 400 on-reserve members, they have deep family conflicts that affect everyone’s daily life.

The aim of this documentary is to introduce you to what living on a reserve is really like. Although Gull Bay is only one reserve in this great country, it has similarities to them all. I hope this trailer intrigues you to check out the film once it comes out in Fall 2010 and my hope is that after watching this movie you will see First Nations in a different light and begin to understand their struggle.

Just getting out of a funk

Hello everyone!

My name is Graham Shonfield and I have decided to put more effort into this blog. I'm also hoping that this can be a way that people can get caught up in my life so they know what's going on.

Well I'm working on my film now. I have finally decided that there's no use in procrastinating anymore and I need to get with the program. I have literally been doing nothing since I got home from Shad Valley Carleton two weeks ago. I have seen a few friends and I have successfully defeated Twinmold in the Stone Tower and just yesterday I collected all the masks in Majora's mask. That is literally what I have been doing for the past little while.

Something last night changed me though, I was talking to an old friend that I had met on one my volunteer trips overseas. And I'm not sure how many times I'll have to learn this lesson but I was of course judging her because I felt that she kept talking and complaining to get attention from us and she wanted our support. I gave that to her face value only because in my head I was thinking 'omg can this girl just stop complaining, she just wants attention and her life really isn't that bad, she just chooses to make it worse.' That's honestly what I was thinking about for one of my really good friends. Later, when it was just the two of us we just start talking and I ask her a few things, like why she need attention, why does she feel so much pressure from society? And she just starts talking about her life and how difficult certain things have been. She felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening to her, and her friends at school were being completely unsympathetic, kinda like me before I knew the whole story.

So now I feel so much more sympathetic and I find that I see her in a different light and now honestly, I consider her a really good friend and I will always be there for her. I could never completely relate to what she is going through, so as a good friend, I will be a person she can talk to because I know understand where she is coming from.

Funny how life works eh? I think I have always prejudged people then when I get the whole story, my mind completely changes.

Last night we were also talking about regrets and how we should live without anything, and I thought to myself, if I don't finish editing this film, I'll regret it so here I am working hard to get it done! It's like a fucking 100 page thesis!

That's kinda my motto for the documentary I'm currently editing, unfortunately I feel that because I was only there for 6 weeks and because I only had 4 days to film everything, I might not be able to tell the whole story, but i will do my best to give an adequate representation of what their life is like.

BOYS: I'm excited to see the guy I'm interested in, I honestly can't wait for this month to be over so we can reconnect. I really hope it'll work out for the best, I'm 99% sure that it will but part of me is nervous to see him, to see if we still have that magic that we started out with. To see if I still like him as much as I think I do. I'm also worried because I'm a little worry wart and often like to over think things. All I know is that this year will be my best and I can't wait for it to get going!